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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jun 12, 2007 23:56:38 GMT -5
if while rummaging around in your attic you stumble on nervous droppings, you may well conclude that a mouse is sharing with you the warmth of your house
or perhaps you may stumble on a bunch of stars that sense a god who first imagined beauty, or a god camouflaged like an owl against the night sky wanting to surprise you; pounce upon you in the form of a beggar, a timid sun shower or the eyelid sounds of a bitter-sweet jungle...
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Post by Shell on Jul 6, 2007 7:08:31 GMT -5
I adore this one Dunstan. We're too quick to categorise "footprints" whether they be material or not as good/bad. ugly/beautiful real/not and so on. There's always a trace of something special in everything. I'm one of those who would see a mouse dropping and think "ohhhh a mouse, i hope i get to see the little beauty, does he need some food?"
A delight of a poem!
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 6, 2007 11:59:20 GMT -5
many thanks shell for your warm sharing...it encouraged me to make a few changes as i feel it is not there yet...still not feeling totally ok as jungle seems to half rhyme (not really but i do not feel it sits comfortably) with beggar etc...wll take 3 at a later stage...find myself very comfy with most of your poetry...take care
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Post by robertrwoods on Jul 6, 2007 13:52:19 GMT -5
I don't know, Dunstan, I like the sound and rhythm of the final line. The whole piece sings to me. The antithesis between warm and comfy and jungle just seems right.
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 7, 2007 11:32:10 GMT -5
thanks robert, your comment gives me confidence...the antithesis as reflected in the poem is what i felt, was not so sure it sounded right. Your comment pleases me no end because it means i do not have to find another appropriate replacement word. enjoy your up and coming project, sounds mighty vibrant, you have it clearly in your soul and i have no doubt that you will deliver the spirit
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