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limbo
Jul 3, 2007 14:54:11 GMT -5
Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 3, 2007 14:54:11 GMT -5
limbo less invented by the instinct of a larva licensed to exist among the sentiment of our ordinary oasis surrounded by burning sands of mortal time inviting us to rise beyond faint sunsets onto a ceaseless calm of quiet stealth; soon the oasis will officially become less perpetual
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limbo
Jul 4, 2007 7:08:34 GMT -5
Post by Bobby Slais on Jul 4, 2007 7:08:34 GMT -5
Hi Dunstan! I really enjoyed the sounds of there lines, the "l" and "s" stresses definitely add to the overall stuggle feelings of this metamorphis. Quite the simple yet deep and meaningful read. Thanks!
Bobby
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limbo
Jul 4, 2007 12:41:15 GMT -5
Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 4, 2007 12:41:15 GMT -5
hi bobby, thanks for sharing ...especially the link between phonetics and thought...i think im nearly there with this...only seeking a better ending possibly deleting the word for...may give it some further thought...
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limbo
Jul 4, 2007 15:08:54 GMT -5
Post by Bernard Alain on Jul 4, 2007 15:08:54 GMT -5
great as always dunstan, I enjoyed the imagery in this. I saw your comment after I read it, the 'for' forced a re-read (for me), just in case I had missed something essential in the delivery. It was ok after re-reading though.
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limbo
Jul 7, 2007 12:29:02 GMT -5
Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 7, 2007 12:29:02 GMT -5
'for' was indeed out of place so off it goes i agree with robert, the ending is indeed more powerful without it. thanks friends for sharing
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