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Post by leecrowell on Feb 16, 2011 22:24:14 GMT -5
You’re so good I hurt when you’re not around. My weary dusk thrives in copulation with your Sunday morning, California king style. We sit at your cherry table with nothing more to want. Contentment entangles us to armrests and spindles, absorbs the resilience of generations. I'm such a slave when you prop up those creamy thighs and ask how I spend the day.
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Post by Don Schaeffer on Feb 17, 2011 10:20:43 GMT -5
Unusual to see a love poem from this perspective. Usually they are about longing.
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Feb 18, 2011 11:23:49 GMT -5
smart flow, keen words and expansive last line.
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Post by leecrowell on Feb 19, 2011 14:02:56 GMT -5
thanks gentlemen I tried to express longing but just couldn't be anything more than extremely subtle. I added two new lines, maybe it's getting closer.
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Post by Ivan Carswell on Mar 7, 2011 19:48:19 GMT -5
Close enough for me Lee. Like Dunstan says, expansive last line.
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Post by leecrowell on Mar 9, 2011 4:15:42 GMT -5
thanks much Ivan this went through numerous revisions i think I'll stop here!
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