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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 22, 2007 3:55:26 GMT -5
perhaps a note on what stimulated this poem may not go amiss...the poem is the encapsulation of a moment that lives the dilemma of sex in love…one loves a person; shares with that person all that is wonderful in life, food, colours, all forms of artistic expression, sex, discovery of cultures and sub cultures, ultimately death too…in all of these the door is wide open to the love…we share Caravaggio Picasso et all, we share all types of cuisine, we share all moods of light, all cultural vibrations, the innumerable passages to death…yet when it comes to sex…possibly the highest form of sharing…it suddenly becomes closed door…it suddenly becomes Caravaggio only, chicken breast cooked in honey only, chiaroscuro only, the Mediterranean culture only, heart ceasure death only…yet love is like sunlight that floods the moon… and i do not want to become a serial ‘lover’ but share with the one person the sun’s reflection that floods the moon in eternal sharing that is love…yet the one dilemma rages on...
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 14, 2007 12:32:15 GMT -5
my maraschino-soaked tongue tastes the scent of ice that thrills your bourgeoisie tattoo with a bundle of fire on the edge of crowded devotion.
scarify my skin; soon drops of my blood become riven vowels of your technicolour rhyme
and i risk converting myself into a serial lover; a crescent charisma who will never know how to flood all of myself with wet-smelling light that returns to you unencumbered
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 31, 2007 8:43:55 GMT -5
many thanks bobby for reading and delving...much enjoy,,,ing thing fully agree ... buldging...well its the best word i find to describe the first hint of sun a white blob on the horizon out at sea...never caught it at that specific moment before... linked the image to a drop of milk on a mother's breast that would soon explode in the light of life...did some changes to reflect more the sky blue than the dark brown nipple...yet buldging now seems more out of tune will think about it in due course and as always let any ideas flow...joy in writing ps is it towards or toward?
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 22, 2007 15:11:22 GMT -5
thanks Bernie, applied some touches...found that yawning was perhaps anticipating the sunrise and took something away from the bed room intimacy...also touched the ending making it bolder as i had originally intended ... peace
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 22, 2007 10:35:06 GMT -5
almost dawn
I tread softly
from yellow light to yellow light towards the shore
along a street that sleeps in silence
almost dawn and soon something might stir like a bed-room light on a second floor lit by husband who turns to cover his wife with the grey blankets that kept them warm through the night
it is almost dawn; and nothing breathes...
but for the horizon
where light sprouts
delicate a first drop of milk bulging on heaven's breast
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blank
Jul 23, 2007 11:31:18 GMT -5
Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 23, 2007 11:31:18 GMT -5
thanks bernard, i think that the contrast was intended as a kind of bathos...if i were to highlight the divide the impact may be lost on a reader... please feel free to experiment with it if u so wish and have time... peace
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blank
Jul 10, 2007 15:27:50 GMT -5
Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 10, 2007 15:27:50 GMT -5
throb rages white fire shaking silence slamming and re slamming doors of void with mist that furrows exhausted energy of drowsy civilizations.
the point is when you stare at a blank paper having nothing to write then go on, be brave let the paper blank...
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 22, 2007 5:54:56 GMT -5
descriptive style works on this reader's mind and peaks at:
faint hope springs – and the sweet pit pat crescendos to a manic roar rising
cleasnsed (air) was perhaps surplus to my mind as you may have wanted to ensure that this wonderful after-the-storm aspect is properly delivered to the reader or perhaps you wanted to stick to metre
your style is certainly growing on me and will look out for more...so much to learn from your experience
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 8, 2007 11:09:12 GMT -5
respectability sounds the pause of corduroy past polo-necks among the famous drowning of light flashing grief on chivalrous meals of the famished destined to die of the passion for hunger; safe sex shoots a first arrow into colourless bargains of human opinion in chains
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The Rut
Jul 22, 2007 15:48:20 GMT -5
Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 22, 2007 15:48:20 GMT -5
loved this all the way through...was not expecting such a superlative finale... in my opinion this is modern poetry at its effective best
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 22, 2007 4:30:53 GMT -5
this poem captures the beauty of surrender in love with delicate ease...i searched for the key words that managed to bring to this reader this sensation in a form that is so alive...so familiar...a smile that the author knows and that the reader knows ... crinkled corners / sparkling eyes, so sweet a contrast observing the detail as to portray the depth of devotion ... your smile meant to mend the sad state of disrepair of fences...this devotion does not dream it has lived the pain of love... consumed says it all...yet a slave to an irresistable smile that beguiles and holds captive rather than safely embracing ones vulnerability...enjoyed this expression thanks
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 21, 2007 8:51:05 GMT -5
takes me to a pond in kensington as my mind floats among the movement on the pond...captures a moment sunily...
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 20, 2007 15:00:04 GMT -5
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Post by Dunstan Attard on Jun 24, 2007 11:44:27 GMT -5
i love circle poems...the quality of this poem is quite astonishing as it never tries to break away from 'prose' yet her ability to start off with a dubious statement and to end with the same statement now no long longer (so) dubious - reflects the power of the prose actually proving to this reader that the apparent prose is a strong if subtle poetic expression of doubtless quality
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limbo
Jul 7, 2007 12:29:02 GMT -5
Post by Dunstan Attard on Jul 7, 2007 12:29:02 GMT -5
'for' was indeed out of place so off it goes i agree with robert, the ending is indeed more powerful without it. thanks friends for sharing
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